Why Professionalism May Not Be Working For You

Recently, a dear friend and mentor pointed out to me that I might be “hiding” behind my professionalism in some aspects of my business life.

It got me thinking about what “being professional” means to me and how her observation might (or might not) be true.

I decided to do a LinkedIn poll, where the nearly unanimous response was that “being professional” meant “acting with decorum”. Honestly, I agreed with that definition. Professionals act with decorum at all times, no matter how challenging the circumstances, right? Especially professional women.

Someone else brought up the concept that professionals act with integrity, and I agree with that too. If you’ve been following me for any length of time, you know that integrity is a core value for me.

But what if decorum and integrity aren’t in sync? What happens then?

Merriam-Webster has a number of definitions of decorum, and the Cambridge Dictionary had slightly different ones. Here’s a sampling:

• Propriety and good taste in conduct or appearance
• Orderliness
• (pl) The conventions of polite behavior
• Behavior that is controlled, calm, and polite

The last definition was winning this week’s LinkedIn poll (you can vote here) as of this morning.

So, women leaders are expected to exhibit behavior that is calm, controlled, and polite.

And that’s a good thing, right? After all, we can’ have professional people throwing temper tantrums, using foul language, or behaving disruptively.

Or can we?

Do you consider Brené Brown a professional? Maybe you do and maybe you don’t, but she works with many high-level corporate leaders, AND she makes swearing and talking about God a non-negotiable part of her corporate contracts.

Is that acting with decorum? Being polite and controlled? Does that make her unprofessional?

Some would say so, wouldn’t they? The sticklers. And while Brené “gets away with it”, would the rest of us mere mortals?

Would you? Or me?

Yet, Brené Brown’s demands are part of what makes her special – authentic and vulnerable. In other words, a good leader. And she often doesn’t act with “decorum” in the strictest sense of the word. But she’s not hiding or apologizing for who she is. Ever.

She’s also been incredibly disruptive, hasn’t she?

Professionalism can be an excuse to hide who we are in the name of polite behavior. Many of us were raised that way. I certainly was. Decorum was more important than just about anything else in my family, especially with my grandmothers. So, hiding behind professionalism and decorum comes pretty naturally to me.

So, what gifts or talents or ground-breaking ideas are you hiding in the name of decorum? What passion lurks beneath your professionalism? What workplace taboo are you itching to break?

For me, one of the things I hide or disguise is my deeply spiritual nature. Unlike Brené, talking about God or spiritual matters isn’t just done in most workplaces – and with good reason, it can be quite divisive if not handled appropriately.

I talked a lot about that with Kendra Parker on an episode of her podcast “The Like-Minded Radicals”, which was released yesterday. Integrating the whole self, the second part of my signature coaching process means bringing your spirituality into every aspect of your life too, along with your heart and mind and body.

Because we can never be our best without that integration, and it’s never unprofessional to be your best!

I have to give special thanks to Bridget Cook-Birch for bringing what I’ve been “hiding” to my attention. That’s why we need coaches and mentors and dear friends! So, if you’d like to discover what you’ve been hiding and start integrating your whole self, I’d love to be that kind of support for you.