How you experience life often boils down to how you answer this question.
No, this isn’t “everything happens for a reason”, although you could view it as related if you believe that is true.
The answer to this question is about how you respond to life’s circumstances. Do you see events, people, and circumstances as opportunities to learn, grow, and become stronger and more resilient? Or do you see those same things as obstacles and barriers?
In other words, are you a victim of life or a participant in life? Do you believe that what life offers supports you or not?
We often feel like things happen “to us”. It’s a pretty normal response. Illness, job layoffs, financial losses, natural disasters – these are all things that are usually outside of our control, and our first response is often: “Oh no! How could this happen to me?”
And that’s okay.
At first.
But then what?
You have the choice to continue to think that life is happening to you and you have no other option but to suffer through it.
– OR –
You can choose to see that life is doing something for you. In the language of Positive Intelligence®, it’s offering you a gift.
The cool thing about recognizing that things are happening for you is that you then become an active participant in the process. And it’s always more fun to participate than be a spectator, isn’t it?
The first part of my signature coaching process is to Explore What Matters, and there’s no time this is more important than when you feel like things might be happening “to you”.
Exploring What Matters opens your mind and heart to new possibilities.
So, something “bad” happens. You choose to recognize that life is offering you something instead of being out to get you, metaphorically speaking. You choose to participate.
This is how it can work:
Be insatiably curious. Acknowledge that you can learn from the experience. Ask questions like:
- What information do I need to understand what happened or what my options are now?
- How can new information help me better handle the situation?
- What information will help me prevent something like this from happening again?
- What resources do I need to support me?
Embrace growth. Find ways that the situation can help you be smarter, stronger, or more resilient. Inquire about:
- What skills would help me better navigate this type of situation?
- How can I learn to manage my stress, emotions, or mindset through this experience?
- How will my new strength help me in other areas of my life?
Put the situation to work. Discover what you can do as a result of these circumstances:
- What actions can I take to make my situation better or different?
- What new path for my life does the experience offer?
- Can I use the experience to help others? Do I want to do that?
Accepting the circumstance as something that is happening for your benefit is believing that life happens for you.
Of course, sometimes that’s easier than others, but it can be done for even big “bad” things. You might want to start with some smaller ones first though. 😊
Ultimately, “life happens for me” makes for a much more pleasant experience overall. It will also improve your relationships, performance, and leadership! I promise.
